Take a good look at the 12 strategies from Part One (gratitude, optimism, avoiding overthinking, practicing kindness, nurturing relationships, coping, forgiveness, flow, savouring, committing to goals, spirituality, caring for body and soul) and decide which ones resonate most with you – consider your personality, your strengths, your interests, your available resources.
Identify the top three that inspire you and find ways to practice those skills. Look for ways you can do more of it in your current schedule, prioritise it, actually structure it into DAILY life by making an appointment with yourself if necessary, set goals about it, get coaching to develop it, fully commit to it.
For guidance on effective goal setting techniques see my article entitled: “It’s time to review your New Year’s Resolutions: are you serving them and are they serving you?” found at www.suzyreading.co.uk
Principles to keep your self-care ritual fresh and effective:
- Let your self-care ritual come from a place of genuine positive intent, something you pursue joyfully. Think of your commitment as a statement of self-worth, not just another thing on your to-do list or to feel guilty over, otherwise this will mitigate the positive effects.
- While it’s important to be focused and structured in your approach, also vary it to avoid boredom.
- Keep challenging yourself so you stay focused and keep developing. If you feel discouraged maybe you are aiming too high – change tasks or change something about the task.
- Remember, the overarching intentions behind self-care are enhancing joy, wellbeing and personal growth. Generally the work itself will be intrinsically enjoyable, or like physical exercise you feel better for it afterwards. Some strategies, for example practicing forgiveness, may involve a degree of discomfort, even pain but should facilitate some kind of resolution, integration, letting go or growth. If not, choose a different task or a different strategy all together and consider seeking professional support on that particular issue.
5 top tips to help you weather the storm of acute stress:
1. Understand your boundaries of control: If you can change the stressful circumstance you’re in then brainstorm how you are going to create that change. If you cannot change the situation then the options available to you are to work with your response to the crisis and to take care of yourself.
2. Adjust your self-care ritual: Acknowledge that during this time of stress the things you normally do to care for yourself, or boost your happiness, may not be readily available to you or may not be the most appropriate things to meet your current needs.
Be honest with yourself about what you need now and what is available to you in terms of time and energy constraints. Be prepared to be a little creative in finding ways to replenish yourself and don’t overlook the simple things that are already present in daily life.
3. Be prepared to do things differently to get through this stressful time. Become aware of the things, situations, habits or people that deplete you and be resolute in minimising them where at all possible. This includes what you take in through all of your senses – what you hear, what you watch, what you listen to, environments you are in, the food and drink we take in. For example, if you are feeling low and watching the evening news depresses you, don’t watch it!
Make an active choice about what you commit to doing during this stressful time. Too often we’re on autopilot and we keep doing the things we normally do because we don’t question them. If you are in a period of acute stress, think hard about how you spend your energy and how you choose to spend your time.
It might help to put a ring around this chapter and know that it won’t last forever. Just for this time allow yourself to do things differently, being as gentle as possible on yourself.
4. Communicate your needs: If there are people waiting in the wings ready to provide support, take them up on it and give yourself permission to let them know exactly how and when they can assist you best. If help doesn’t appear to be forthcoming then ask people.
Often in times of crisis your friends and loved ones don’t know what to say or do, or feel that giving you space is the best thing. If you articulate your needs you might be surprised by how many people are just waiting to support you, they just need your direction and permission.
5. Seek professional help: find someone experienced who can support you, nurture you and care for you. Sometimes an impartial sounding board to vent to is all it takes to get you through, sometimes you need strategies specific to your particular circumstance and this is where a psychologist or coach can help.
I understand how difficult it can be to get the right help when you are in the midst of crisis – hard to find the right care-giver and sometimes hard to get to them. When I had a newborn I found it very difficult to get out of the house to appointments so I am passionate about making my therapeutic support as accessible as possible and offer home visits to select clients by private arrangement.
My top 5 ways to re-energise:
1. Legs up the wall yoga pose: lie on your back with your legs up the wall, feeling the floor hold your spine and the wall completely support your legs. There is nothing to do here but soften and breathe for 5 mins.
2. Savour a shower: When my little one was a newborn, sometimes the most relaxing thing in my day was taking a short, meditative shower where I really set the intention of being totally absorbed in it as a sensory experience – the scent, the sound, the sensation of the water falling. Take advantage of the cleansing potential of water by imagining your burdens rolling off your shoulders with each droplet and for the duration of your shower let everything else just wait for you.
3. Immerse yourself in great natural beauty and observe it with all your senses. For this time allow yourself to be completely free of striving, effort and ambition. Acknowledge that in this moment there is nothing required of you but to effortlessly drink in the beauty and energy of your surroundings.
4. Feel your breath, noticing the 4 parts : Inhalation…Pause…Exhalation…Pause. Just feel your breath, try to get out of its way, rather than to attempt to deepen it or lengthen it, unless that feels good to you. The lungs are the organ of grief so often there is often a holding or shallowing of the breath in times of crisis. Think more in terms of ‘allowing’ the breath to move through you and avoid force or any modification that creates strain or discomfort.
5. Regular posture and facial expression checks: This is as simple as just observing how you are holding your body and holding your face. See if you can create some softness there to consciously let go of the physical manifestations of stress.
This softening might be just enough to allow a little more fullness of breath which is the most replenishing thing available to us at any time in our lives. In stillness or movement try to elongate your spine, open your chest, soften your shoulders and release your jaw.
Even the simple practice of smiling creates a cascading effect on your mood… and here’s the proof – research has shown that botox to prevent frowning has a mild but positive effect on mood! (Please note – I’m not recommending you go out and get botox, try using your own conscious control!)
Self-care is not a luxury, it is not an indulgence. In fact it’s as necessary as physical exercise.
Self-care that nourishes your mind and body allows you to go beyond just functioning to flourishing in everyday life.
The more you practice these skills and strategies the greater your reserves and the greater your resilience when life challenges you.
In response to adversity and in healing from it, your daily self-care ritual will serve you well.
Love to all, Suz xxx
Reference: For a great summary of positive psychology strategies to boost happiness and wellbeing, I highly recommend “The How of Happiness. A Practical Guide to Getting the Life You Want” by Sonja Lyubormirsky
Suzy is available for counselling, coaching and private yoga sessions at her consulting room in Cammeray, Sydney, home visits, coaching via phone or skype, and ‘walk & talk’ sessions by appointment.
Contact Suzy at: suzy@suzyreading.co.uk
Follow Suzy at: www.facebook.com/SuzyReadingPsychologyAndYoga
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