By Jenni Falconer
For years, I wore being busy as a badge of honour.
Like so many women, I spent decades juggling work, family, friendships and responsibilities, constantly moving from one thing to the next. As a radio presenter, my alarm goes off at 4:15am every morning. By 6am, I’m live on air. Alongside that, I record podcasts, run a business, exercise regularly, spend time with my family and friends, walk the dog and somehow try to fit everything else life throws at me into the gaps.
For a long time, I thought the secret was simply to keep going.
In my twenties and thirties, I was like a hamster on a wheel. I never stopped. There was always another job to do, another event to attend, another commitment to say yes to. Looking back, I don’t think I ever really considered where I sat on my own list of priorities.
The truth is, most of us are guilty of putting ourselves last.
We look after our children, our partners, our colleagues, our friends and our families before we think about our own well-being. We convince ourselves we’ll rest at the weekend, take a break next month or focus on ourselves when things calm down.
But life doesn’t always calm down.
As I’ve got older, I’ve realised something important: looking after yourself isn’t selfish. In fact, it’s one of the most important things you can do. Because when you’re running on empty, nobody gets the best version of you.
There are certainly times when I feel exhausted. Times when I’ve packed too much into my week and convinced myself I’ll catch up on sleep later. But I’ve learned that constantly borrowing energy from tomorrow isn’t a sustainable plan.
These days, I pay much closer attention to what my body and mind are telling me. That means prioritising sleep whenever I can. It means eating well, staying hydrated and supporting my health with good habits. It means recognising when I’m tired rather than pretending I’m invincible.
Most importantly, it means giving myself permission to say no. That has probably been one of the biggest lessons of my forties and now, at 50.
Years ago, I hated cancelling plans or turning down opportunities. I never wanted to let anyone down. Even now, I don’t enjoy being the person who says no but I’ve come to understand that sometimes protecting your energy is exactly the right thing to do:
Sometimes saying no to one thing means saying yes to your health.
Sometimes it means saying yes to your family.
Sometimes it means saying yes to being the best version of yourself tomorrow.
And that’s not something to feel guilty about.
For me, self-care doesn’t look like scented candles, meditation retreats or long bubble baths. While those things are wonderful for some people, they aren’t really me.
My self-care is movement.
It’s going for a run and letting my thoughts settle into place. It’s spending an hour at the gym after a busy day. It’s walking the dog and getting fresh air. Exercise has always been my escape, my therapy and my reset button.
Running, in particular, gives me space to think. Sometimes it’s the only part of the day where nobody needs anything from me.
Other times, self-care is much simpler.
It’s washing my face before bed. Looking after my skin. Taking the time to feel good in myself. Taking my collagen, creatine and multi-vitamins. Wearing clothes that make me feel confident. Picking up the phone and talking to a friend.
I’ve also learned that connection matters just as much as solitude.
Sometimes a walk on your own is exactly what you need. Other times, a conversation with a friend can be more restorative than an hour spent alone. Knowing what fills your cup and making time for it is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
Turning fifty has brought a sense of perspective I didn’t have when I was younger. I do believe there is a wisdom that comes with age.
You start to recognise what truly matters. You understand that every invitation doesn’t need a yes. Every opportunity doesn’t need to be taken. Every hour doesn’t need to be productive.
You realise that time is precious. What’s more we all have a finite amount of it.
Of course, ambition still matters. Working hard still speaks volumes. I’ve worked incredibly hard all throughout my career and I’m immensely proud of that but nowadays, success isn’t measured solely by the next pay cheque or the next achievement.
Sometimes success is getting a full night’s sleep.
Sometimes it’s having dinner with your family.
Sometimes it’s protecting your peace.
The priorities that matter most aren’t always the ones that look impressive from the outside.
The older I get, the more I understand that life isn’t about doing everything. It’s about doing the things that matter. It’s about making choices that support your health, your happiness and the people you love.
I’m a different person from the woman I was ten years ago, and that’s a good thing. I’ve evolved. I’ve learned. I’ve become better at recognising what serves me and what doesn’t.
And while I don’t know exactly who I’ll be ten years from now, I hope I’ll continue making choices that prioritise my wellbeing, my family, my friendships and my health.
When you look after yourself, you’re not taking something away from others. You’re ensuring you have more of yourself to give and that might just be the most important life priority of all.
Jenni Falconer is a broadcaster, marathon runner, and founder of health and wellness brand Kollo Health. Follow her on Instagram @jennifalconer.