This week’s post is short, sweet and hopefully life-changing! We’re all familiar with the saying “you can’t love someone else until you’ve learnt to love yourself”… Just how do we learn to do it? Here is a way: only talk to yourself as you would your best friend:
- Observe the way you talk to yourself (your inner voice and what you vocalise)
- Only talk to yourself as you would your best friend
- When you notice yourself doing anything but talking to yourself as you would your best friend, be gentle, smile, maybe have a laugh, appreciate just how hard this task can be, consciously say “I’m not doing that to myself anymore” and rephrase what you’ve said. Don’t let failure here be yet another thing you berate yourself over.
Time and time again when I’ve made this suggestion to friends and clients they report a sense of awakening, a kind of epiphany that changes everything. I urge you to try it today, then try it again tomorrow, keep doing it, practising it, refining it every day of your life and see what blossoms for you.
Understand that negative self-talk doesn’t enhance performance, confidence, competence, skill acquisition, enjoyment, health or wellbeing. It doesn’t make you a better person – it sabotages you. If you wouldn’t subject your best friend to it, why do it to yourself?
By all means be real, you should critically evaluate your thoughts, actions, behaviour, and intentions but do it in a gentle, nurturing way that befits your best friend.
I learnt this lesson towards the end of my skating career, too late to see its potent effect on competitive results due to an injury that ended my career but what I did see blossom was my enjoyment, my self–esteem, my confidence, a deep sense of calm and patience I’d never accessed before and then the skills came like never before.
For me my critical self-talk stemmed from perfectionism and I thought that being hard on myself would help me achieve my aspirations. Changing my self-talk allowed me to deal differently with mistakes, to learn and grow like never before. When I began talking to myself in a nurturing way my skating came from a place of self-affirmation, a place of pure joy, I skated like I’d never skated before and I will never forget it.
It is a skill I cultivate on a daily basis in everyday life and it continues to pay dividends. The inner critic is still there but it doesn’t have the same sting. How is your inner critic getting in your way? Try this exercise yourself and see what evolves for you – it will only be good!
Love to all, Suz xxx
Suzy is available for counselling, coaching and private yoga sessions at her consulting room in Cammeray, Sydney, home visits, coaching via phone or skype, and ‘walk & talk’ sessions by appointment.
Contact Suzy at: suzy@suzyreading.co.uk
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